Renewing My Vows

If I had a blog, today I would write about my morning of dancing in the rain.

Today I renewed my baptismal vows; not standing in a baptistery or having my forehead sprinkled before a congregation, nor even being immersed, as I was the first time, in the river that crosses our farm. Today I renewed my vows in a deluge of summer rain.

Rain's Happy Place

Rain’s Happy Place

I’d been cleaning at the barn all morning and was covered from head-to-toe in sweat and dust, which was rapidly turning to mud as it collected in the crook of my arm and in the creases round my neck. I was wrapping up my morning’s work when it began to sprinkle and I hurried to get the horses settled in their fresh, clean stalls. By the time I had all five horses ensconced in the barn, the sky opened up and down came the rain! Raindrops danced merrily on the tin roof of the barn and the gutters overflowed like waterfalls. I stood in the doorway, breathing in the sweet air when an impulse to run out into the downpour overwhelmed me. The grown-up side of my brain protested, “You’ll get all wet!” but it was too tempting, to rare an opportunity to let it pass my by. I slipped off my sweaty clothes and dashed out into the storm. I lifted my face skyward to receive the cool water as it rushed from the sky. I could almost hear the drops sizzle as they landed on my sweaty skin. Muddy rivulets ran down my arms and legs, carrying away the grit and grime of my morning labors, and by the time the rain slowed to a sprinkle, I was washed clean – in more ways than one.

Life has been busy the last few weeks (months, years…) and once again, I’ve let the cares of the world take precedence over my time in Nature’s care. I’ve been wrapped up in my day-job as a financial officer for a dental clinic, in issues with my own finances, and petty worries about day-to-day living that have driven me to distraction. I’ve taken a moment here and there to say, “Hello,” to the magnificent spider who lives in the garden and I’ve been aware that the barn swallows and purple martins have left for southern climes,  but I haven’t taken time just to sit and let Nature envelop me, comfort and soothe me and that is what I need.

Diamond Drops

Diamond Drops

The sun is shining now, making the world sparkle as if bedecked with diamonds. Standing on the patio, listening to the chickadees and titmice converse as they preen their rain-soaked wings, I renew my baptismal vows to Mother Earth: I promise, my Mother, to come to you with my worries and fears and lay them at your feet. I promise to spend time in the cathedral of the forest when my heart is low so I may become part of the Green World, where peace and joy abound. Above all, I promise to renew my vows more often, to set aside my daily round and give in to my heart’s desire when it calls me out to play in a deluge of silver summer rain.

A Keeper of Dogs

If I had a blog, today I would write about being a keeper of dogs.

As many of you know, I am a devoted cat-lover and I’ve shared quite a few stories about my feline friends in my blog. You may wonder why its taken me this long to profess my love of the canine clan and share some stories about that branch of the Fur Family, but the truth is, I don’t know where to start. Dogs have been my life-mates since I was old enough to say “puppy” and after forty-some-odd years its hard to carve out a tale that is shorter than War and Peace. However, because yesterday was National Dog Day, I’ve decided to give it a go and introduce  you to my wonderful world of dogs.

These days, my life with dogs revolves around caring for the needs of an aging pack. Owain, our border collie, and Hank, my nephew yellow lab, are thirteen years old and Bree, our Great Pyrenees, is ten. Caring for an old bunch of dogs is one of those situations where laughter is the best medicine, for both woman and beast. A sense of humor keeps at bay the frustration over irregular bathroom habits, food-fights, and a variety of somewhat neurotic behaviors. Getting old isn’t for sissies, whether  you are a human or a dog.

Owain - Our Mr. True

Owain – Our Mr. True

First we have Owain, who, despite his innate intelligence, can’t hear at all. Our morning ritual, is a game of “herd the birds.” Owain comes to the window by the breakfast table and barks at me. Then I say, “Wow Owain! Get the birds!” and he bounds off in full cry, scattering cardinals, goldfinches, and chickadees as he goes. After a few minutes, he returns to the window and we play it again. It worked just fine when Owain was a sprightly youngster, but now he can’t hear my rah-rah’s unless I shout and exaggerate my facial features so Owain knows I am overwhelmed with his awesomeness. Add to that the fact that Owain has a bad hip and our game looks more like aerobics for the insane. I only hope no one outside the family sees us or we’d both be put in a padded room.

Do I Smell Burgers?

Do I Smell Burgers?

Then there’s Hank-A-Dog. I can’t make light of Hank’s issues because his health is in a steep decline. He has a type of neuropathy that has taken away all feeling in his hindquarters and impinges on his breathing. What keeps me going with Hank is his utter dedication to table treats. In his youth, Hank was a real-life Hamburgler. More than once we caught him with his feet on the counter, snarfing unclaimed hamburgers, hot dogs, or ham steaks like there was no tomorrow. Even now, on a day when we’ve had to support Hank’s back legs just to get him into the yard to do his business, one whiff of frying bacon or broiling steak and he’s up and at ’em. If my brother comes to get Hank before we’ve finished our dinner, Hank pops up and, instead of running to the door to greet his best friend, he affixes himself to the table, ears up and eyes bright, as if to say, “Hurry! Feed me the good stuff before I have to go!” Its comforting to know some things never change.

Go Team Bree!

Go Team Bree!

Last of all, there’s Bree. We got Bree and her sister, Emma (who passed away this spring) to guard our flock of sheep, but Bree retired early, after she developed epilepsy at age three. Since then, Bree has been a house-dog, protecting our family from villains like  the pest-control guy, UPS and FedEx deliverymen, and the garbage man. This summer she got a hot-spot on her front leg and became quite obsessed with licking it. We gave her antibiotic, used a number of topical agents to help with the itching, and even bandaged the area to keep her idee fixe under control, but Bree refused to leave well-enough alone, so we got an E-collar at the vet. That plan was abandoned after three days of leg-bashing by our walking satellite dish. We were at our wits-end when I spied Anna’s sweatshirt. My ten year-old niece, Anna, had stayed with us the week before and as I was putting away the farm-gear she’d outgrown, I saw a hot-pink sweatshirt, with sequins and glitter paint, that looked just the right size for Bree. After making a few adjustments, Bree was decked out in a get-up that would make any cheerleader proud. We’ve drawn a few stares from passers-by, but Bree has stopped licking her leg, so I say, “Go Team!”

I know hard days are coming. It is the price we pay for loving deeply and loving well. I dread the decisions we’ll have to make and the emptiness that will come after, but I will have my memories to keep me strong. One day, when my grief has abated, I will be walking to the barn and I will feel a presence beside me, a familiar face will come to mind, and I will know my friend is with me once more. Then I will tell their stories and we will laugh and remember and be glad for the days when I was a keeper of dogs.

Letting Go

If I had a blog, today I would write about the desire to fix the lives of the ones I love.

Humans are born meddlers. There is something within us that, for good or ill, drives us to get involved in other people’s lives. I am no exception. My motives are pure: I want the people I love to be happy. I look at their struggles and and am compelled to make a plan for escape. In the moment it all seems so clear, so elementary: If Mom would just do this, or if Dad would just do that, they would be so much better off. I offer advice and if that doesn’t work, I throw myself into high gear and start making changes on my own.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Just today, I caught myself  trying to take charge of a friend’s issues with boundaries. I want her to let go of the desire to please people at the expense of her own well-being, so what do I do? I start telling my friend what to do: “Tell your friends this,” and “Ask them not to do that.” I volunteer to call and cancel engagements, to make up excuses, to take the fall for any negative feedback that comes my friend’s way. I’m rockin’ and rollin’, taking names and baking hams until I get home and sit down with my book of favorite quotations. The book falls open to the words of an unknown writer: “Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness. Your job is to simply do your work… sacredly, secretly, and silently… and those with ‘eyes to see and ears to hear’, will respond.” I close my eyes and sigh, “I’ve done it again, haven’t I?”

I have fallen prey to the fatal flaw of do-gooders: Assuming I know what is best for my fellow human beings. On a good day I have the insight to guide myself along the road of life and the only gift I am worthy to give is a recounting of my own journey, should offer some guidance in its telling. My companions will know what to make of my stories, what to keep and what to leave behind, and that is their choice to make, not mine.

Mist on Hawk Ridge

Mist on Hawk Ridge

The prattle in my mind is quiet now; the voices of scheming and planning silenced. I feel my consciousness open like a flower, letting in the sound of rain pattering on my window. Thunder rumbles in the valley and mist rises along Hawk Ridge as the cool breeze dances among the ferns on my patio. Another chapter is written in my Trail Journal, a story to tell about the power that lives in letting go.

Past, Present, and Future

If I had a blog, today I would write about living in the present.

Granny Holly & Ava Isobella

Granny Holly & Ava Isobella

As a seeker of spiritual growth, I have spent a lot of time considering the value of living only in the present moment. A lot of energy has surrounded this idea lately and I admit it has its values, to be sure. If you stay in the present, you can’t worry about the future or get lost in regrets of the past; you drink deeply from the world around you in the present; and time itself seems to slow down when you are focused only on the moment in which you live. Living in the present is one of the basic tenets of Buddhism, a philosophy I greatly admire, but after careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that not only do we need an awareness of the past and the future to be whole, learning to balance life in three separate “time zones” is one of humanity’s great spiritual tasks, one of the reasons The Universe gave us knowledge of time.

Looking Ahead

Looking Ahead

Humans have a unique relationship with time compared to other species: Not only are we aware of the past and future, we can recall the past and imagine the future in great detail, then use them as springboards to aspire to better things. Humans were telling stories of their ancestors well before written language came into being and the preservation of such memoirs inspired us to develop a more permanent way to preserve our histories for generations to come. If no one thought about the past, the written word might not exist. Our sense of the future inspired our species to invent, create, and navigate towards what we believed were better lives. It is the motivation to make a better future that caused our ancestors to ask, “What lies beyond those mountains?” and the pull of the years ahead drew us from our African roots into every corner of the world.

Philosophers are right when they warn us of the dangers of yon and yore, but cutting ourselves off from our beginning and end is not the answer. The answer lies in learning to manage the pitfalls of remembering the past and knowing we have a future. It is like having a chronic illness (like my insulin-dependent diabetes): You can’t make it go away, but you can live well if you learn how to manage your condition. We must learn to let go of the regrets of the past and move forward, then resist the temptation of living only for an imaginary future. Finding the balance is the challenge laid before us when we were placed here at our birth.

Four Generations

Four Generations

Oddly enough, I have found the validation for my argument in a favorite Christmas tale. We may be months away from reindeer and sleigh bells, but Charles Dickens’ prose keeps coming to mind: At the end of Ebeneezer Scrooge’s night with the spirits, he makes a vow to “Honor Christmas in my heart and keep it throughout the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.” Our challenge, then, is to live in all three realities, gleaning the best of past, present, and future as we move through our lives. When we make the most of the days that are past, the day we are now alive, and of all the days yet to be, we will have the resources we need to face whatever things may come.

Sacred Materialism

If I had a blog, today I would write about what I call “Sacred Materialism.”

Dad, the real Miss Hennypenny, and my rooster

Dad, the real Miss Hennypenny, and my rooster

I know there are people who think I am a materialist. It’s true that I have shed tears when a keepsake is broken, but it isn’t because it had monetary value. I weep for the loss of such things because they are vessels of memory, tangible links to my past and to the people I love. I’ve always felt spirit in inanimate objects. Homes have the spirit of the people who live there, toys take on the aura of the children who give them life, and the nick-nacks one gathers on the journey through life retain the memories of all they’ve seen. The big stuffed chicken that sits in my guest room is not just a fuzzy toy. She came to me on Valentines Day 1986. I was recovering from surgery in far-away Maryland when Miss Hennypenny arrived. She was sent from my dad, as a reminder of my beloved real chickens back home, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt as loved as I did the day she arrived at my door. I can recapture that moment, simply by holding her in my arms.

Great Granddad Bunch

Great Granddad Bunch

All my life I have been a steward of family things. Together with my Mom, who showed me the beauty in caring for the possessions that belonged to our loved ones, we have a treasure-trove of memories. Sometimes, on a rainy afternoon, we’ll get out the boxes and spend hours reminiscing about days and lives past. When I hold my great-grandfather’s pocket watch, the one he used as an engineer, to keep the trains on time, I am transported to an age before I was born and I come to know a man who’s life ended before mine began. I see the oil-stained notebook, with notes written in my Granddad Kent’s spidery script, and I am four years old again, sitting in Grandy’s workshop as he repaired his lawnmower, the toaster, or my tricycle. I hold in my hand Great Grandmother Ormsby’s white clay pipe and I remember my Gran telling me how, on stormy night, Grandmother Ormsby would get dressed and sit in her rocking chair, smoking her pipe, until the storm passed by. It comforted Gran as a child and it comforts me now, knowing a part of my great grandmother is watching over us still.

The Smithsonian Institution will never make a display of my treasures. No archaeologist will cry, “Eureka!” if my things are found on a some distant day, but to me they are worth more than the plunder of any ancient world. These odds-and-ends are not just “things,” they are the heirlooms of my house. Their presence makes my home a sacred place, every table and shelf an altar, a touchstone to the past.

My Owl Feather

My Owl Feather

Do you remember the story of The Littlest Angel? It is the tale of a little boy who dies before his time. He goes to Heaven, but is sad, longing for his life at home. One day, a kindly cherub asks what he could do to help and the Littlest Angel replies, ““There’s a box. I left it under my bed back home. If only I could have that?” The box is brought to the Littlest Angel and he is happy. A short time later, a child is born in Bethlehem, and all the angels send gifts to the Son of God. The Littlest Angel offers his box from home. When he sees it next to the resplendent gifts of the other angels, he is ashamed and wants to take it back, but God himself chooses the box as the gift He will give his infant son. The other angels are stunned for inside the “rough, unsightly box” was “a butterfly with golden wings, captured one bright summer day on the high hills above Jerusalem, and a sky blue egg from a bird’s nest in the olive tree that stood to shade his mother’s kitchen door. yes, and two white stones, found on a muddy river bank, where he and his friends had played like small brown beavers, and, at the bottom of the box, a limp, tooth-marked leather strap, once worn as a collar by his mongrel dog, who had died as he had lived, in absolute love and infinite devotion.” This was the gift that pleased God most because it contained the legacy of the simple things in life, things of little monetary value, yet imbued with the love of the one who held them dear.

Gran & Granddad Kent (1920s)

Gran & Granddad Kent (1920s)

My life is filled with “rough, unsightly boxes” too, but they are trappings of lives well-lived, of good men and women whose memory I cherish. I am honored to be entrusted with the belongings my family holds dear and I hope for a  day when I can pass along my treasures to another who will share my stories and keep alive the spirit of my family for many generations to come.

The Dance of the Mind

If I had a blog, today I would write about living honestly.

The Happy Herd

The Morning Jostle

When I am searching for answers in my life, more often than not, I find them in the company of horses. This morning, when I went out to do chores, The horseflies were atrocious and there was much stamping and jostling as the horses lined up at the gate so we could lead them to the barn. As I watched them haggle over who would be first I noticed that no one was pulling any punches. There was no game of, “You go first,” where one horse deferred to another “just to be nice.” The order of things was decided by who was the highest in the pecking order: My horse, Rain, is the boss-mare, so was first in line, followed by Issa, Abe, Shy,and Nikka. There were no hard feelings, no temper tantrums, and no apologies. It was honesty in a relationship “personified” and it got me thinking, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if human relationships could be so simple?” My next thought was, “Maybe they can.”

Wisewoman Rain

Wisewoman Rain

Of all the animals who live with with man, the horse is one that does not curry favor. They like who they like, they ask for what they want, and they aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves when they are challenged. They tolerate humans, and in some cases come to love us, but they don’t need our approval. They are secure in who they are and nothing can shake that certainty. Without the shackles of an Ego to bind them, horses offer us a window into lives lived in complete honesty; an honesty that compelled horse-trainer Pete Spates to write, “Only when you see through the eyes of the horse, can you lead the dance of the mind.” That is a dance I desperately want to learn.

Always A Sweetheart

Always A Sweetheart

If you are like me, you grew up being taught how to cultivate harmony at all costs. The goal of all social interaction was to make others feel good. If someone had hard feelings towards me, it was my fault and I needed to do something different next time to redeem my “friend-to-the-world” status. I learned my lessons well and from a young age was able to swallow my feelings, hide my opinions, and sacrifice my own needs in the name of harmony. Deep down, I envied my more outspoken friends: The ones who expressed what they thought regardless of the consequences, but I thought my way was the Right Way and I continued into adulthood as the girl immortalized in yearbooks as “A real sweetheart” who should “stay the way you are.”

I was able to carry on this charade for the better part of four decades, but as I reach middle-age, the toll it has taken is starting to show. I am tired of carrying the burden of repressed anger and unspoken needs. I am exhausted from cheering on people only to have my good will hurled back at me with disdain. I have reached the point where I can’t do it anymore. Something has to give and this time I’m going to make a change that is all about me. I am going to take a leap of faith and live my life without taking responsibility for the emotional responses of other people.

04102009 215432 (1) webAs I move into this new modus operandi I have three rules: First, I will speak truth with love. I won’t let the Ego twist my words into weapons designed to exact emotional revenge. If I have a criticism to offer, I will do it constructively and kindly. Second, I will support myself even when I get a negative response from someone else. If my intentions were good, I have done all I can to promote harmony. The other person is responsible for their feelings on the matter. Third, I will be forgiving if I let my emotions get the better of me. Hard as I try, there will be days when I lose control and let raw emotion do the talking. I will forgive myself when this happens and apologize when necessary, but if my apology is not accepted, I will be content that I have done all I can to atone for my mistake and I will go on with my life.

Friends -  Rain & Abe

Friends – Rain & Abe

When I send the horses out to pasture this evening, I know what will happen: There will be a few minutes of unrest as everyone tests the boundaries of the pecking order. A few nips and kicks will be offered, but no harm will be done. Once the ritual is complete, the horses will trot off together to find the best pasture, where they will graze nose-to-nose in the soft summer night. If my horses can live honestly, then I can do no less. In this, they are the teacher and I am the student. If I can learn my lessons well, perhaps one day I will be able to “lead the dance of the mind.”

Lover of the Wild

If I had a blog, today I would write about being a Lover of the Wild.

Our Charlotte

Our Charlotte

Charlotte arrived yesterday, weaving her great orb in the flower garden, next to the hummingbird feeder. The summer has been good to Charlotte, her yellow and black form is shiny and quite large. She will continue to grow as she dines on the insects who are drawn to the black-eyed Susan’s and phlox that are now in bloom, preparing herself for the day when she creates the silken cocoon in which her babes will grow, safe from winter’s chill.

 

Brother Wolf

Brother Wolf

Charlotte and her predecessors have been a lesson to me in what it means to be a lover of the natural world – a challenge to see the truth of things when my mind turns to superstition and lies. Loving Nature isn’t as easy as it sounds, for along with the astounding beauty and magnificent power lurk the vestiges of our most primal fears. Snakes, spiders, and a host of meat-eating predators have been vilified by humans since the earliest of times. What began as caution borne of  instinct became fodder for horrific tales where any creature that threatened or unsettled us became a demon, intent on destroying human life. Those myths persist today and lead to the needless obliteration of species that couldn’t care less about the existence of our sorry race.

The Web of Life

The Web of Life

To love Nature is to acknowledge all of Her children as part of the web of life. If one thread is plucked from this great tapestry, we all suffer for its loss. At times, when we are truly threatened by The Wild, we have to make hard choices. I can’t let a black widow spider raise her young in the flower pot on my porch. It is too big a risk to take. But when I end her life and see her rush to protect her egg-case from me, I grieve for her loss. She wouldn’t use her venom out of spite or because of some evil intent, she would use it to protect her children the same way I use the killing-spray to protect my loved ones from her dangerous bite. We share the same warp and weft of life.

White Iron Lake

White Iron Lake – Ely, MN

If we are true in our love of the natural world, we must not stand apart from it. We must return to being one with all that lives and breathes and shares our bit of Earth. I don’t want to study Nature as much as I want to become part of Her. I want the thread of my life to intertwine with those of the spider and the snake;  the rabbit and the fox; the raven and the wolf. I want to enter the woods and experience the honor shared by naturalist Sigurd Olson when he wrote, “Then a great peace came over me…and I seemed to hear the pines and the wind and the rocky shores say to me, ‘You… lover of the wild, are part of us…’ ” On that day I will know my journey has not been in vain.

The Work of the Fields

August 17, 2014

If I had a blog, today I would write about the healing power of good, old-fashioned, manual labor.

The Bobcat (Photo Taken March 2005)

The Bobcat (Photo Taken March 2005)

American writer M. Charles Wagner was right when, in his book The Simple Life,  he penned the line, “one of the great curatives of our evils, our maladies, social, moral, and intellectual, would be a return to the soil, a rehabilitation of the work of the fields.” I have spent my day working at the barn: Loading the manure pile into the manure spreader for Dad to use in fertilizing the horse pasture we call Mockingbird Hill. It isn’t glamorous work, but after a week of emotional sturm und drang, relocating a giant pile of manure is a perfect ritual in which to partake.

The Horses on Mockingbird Hill

The Horses on Mockingbird Hill

We built the manure pile by hand, emptying nearly one hundred wheel-barrows full of sawdust and horse droppings since the last time we spread manure, but happily, putting it in the manure spreader is a job that can be done with the assistance of the Bobcat. I may be a tree-hugger and an artist at heart, but I do confess a love for working with farm equipment and the Bobcat is my favorite. Not only is it small and nimble, but the interior resembles that of a star-fighter and as I heft steaming piles of barn litter I am also defending the galaxy. It may seem childish to engage in such fantasy, but for a much-too-serious person like me, child’s play is yet another antidote to the gloom of the world.

At last, the work is done and I feel better than I have in weeks. Being outdoors, getting sticky, sweaty, and smelly; raising blisters on my hands and working until every muscle aches has given my mind a break from the constant round of fearful, worried, frustrated chatter and makes room for peace to settle in.

Summer Evening

Summer Evening

Evening is falling here on The Greenwood. I’ve had a hot shower and a change of clothes; put Band-Aids on my blisters and am ready to sit on the patio, prop my feet up, and enjoy a glass of wine with my family before dinner. The cares that weighed on me this morning have fallen like the first autumn leaves and my head is clear for the challenges of the week ahead. I am lucky to be a farmer; to give myself to bit of Earth I call my own, to share my days with the sun and the wind and to know the healing power of “the work of the fields.”

Serendipity

If I had a blog, today I would write about serendipity.

White-Tailed Deer Fawn

White-Tailed Deer Fawn

I have been a nature photographer for more than twenty years and while I do take credit for my technical skill with a camera, many of my best photographs are the result of serendipity. While serendipity can be defined as pure good luck, I have a different theory. I believe this kind of “fortunate happenstance” occurs when I am as one with the world around me. When I am in harmony with nature, something amazing is just around the corner.

This morning I was getting ready to go to town and had gone into the storage room, when twin white-tailed deer fawns emerged from the woods.

White-Tailed Deer Fawn II

White-Tailed Deer Fawn II

Because I carry a camera with me everywhere I go, I had it at the ready and was able to get several photos of these delicate beauties before they vanished back into the forest. It was a much needed pick-me-up after a bit of a creative dry spell. Thank you Brother and Sister White-Tail.

 

Before the Storm

After the Storm

When I took this photograph, I was pleased to catch the colors of sunset on the towering cumulonimbus cloud to our east, but had no idea this little hummer had flown into the photo until I looked at it on my computer later that evening. Thank you Brother Hummingbird.

 

The Gift

The Gift

I took this photograph on a holiday trip to Northern Minnesota in 1997. We rented a small cabin on a remote lake north of Ely and spent a week cross-country skiing, dogsledding, and reveling in the savage beauty of this wild country. My birthday is December 27th and when asked what gift I wanted, I said, “I want a wolf.”  Even though we saw wolf tracks on the frozen lake almost every day, I knew the chances of seeing and photographing on was a one-in-a-million chance. The 27th was our last day at Lark Lake Cabin and our spirits were a little low as we snowshoed the 4-miles back to our car. Then. as we came to the woods on the edge of Triangle Lake, a movement in the brush caught our eye and out of the forest stepped a huge wolf. We froze. He froze. For five minutes he let me take one photo after another before he turned and loped off into the bush. “Happy Birthday,” Mom said. Thank  you Brother Wolf.

Pine Marten

Pine Marten

Almost every year, Mom and I often rent a cabin just outside of Ely, Minnesota for an autumn retreat and every year we talk about what animal we want to see the most. In 2007, I wanted to see a pine marten. These elusive members of the weasel family are fairly common in Northern Minnesota, but they prefer to stay invisible to the human eye. As I wandered down the woodland path to our cabin one evening, I said aloud, “Come Brother Marten, I’m here waiting for you.  Please pay us a visit.”

A few days passed and I had forgotten my invocation. Mom and I were eating breakfast when something big hit the window. We thought it was a raven or even a hawk, but when we looked out, it was the Marten. He was sitting beneath the window, as if to say, “Hello! You wanted me to visit you and now you aren’t even paying attention!” I apologized profusely and was able to take several great pictures of our honored guest before he went his way. Thank you Brother Marten.

Barred Owl

Barred Owl

Where owls are concerned, one needs a lot of serendipity. Denizens of the night, they are seldom available for photo-ops  and their shy nature generally keeps them just out of reach. This owl, however, was waiting for me one evening as I went out to do chores. I was driving the four-wheeler between the house and dairy-barn that evening and when I passed the hay-barn, there she was: Familiar of Athena, the Barred Owl. I stopped the four-wheeler and slowly, oh so slowly, lifted my camera. Birds like owls and hawks tend to think the lifting motion means a gun, so I’ve learned to move gently in their presence. I took several photos from about 30 yards away, then began to move forward, a little at a time, taking pictures as I drew closer. In the end, I she let me come within about ten feet and when she departed, it was with grace and aplomb, not fear. Thank you Sister Owl.

Experiences like these reinforce my belief that Nature is willing to communicate with us, but only if we come into Her world with respect. When I go into the woods, I am walking into a holy place. If I hope to become part of that sacred world, I must abandon all pride and enter as humbly as a sinner going to confession, “Forgive me Mother and Father, for my people and I have sinned.” If I am sincere, Nature will share Her mysteries, open Her secret doors, and let me stand in the presence of the gods.

 

 

Waiting to Be Found

If I had a blog, today I would write about wrens and luna moths.

Wrenfield

Wrenfield

I am all about interpreting signs from The Universe. I am diligent in my pursuit of knowledge through dreams, signs, synchronicities and the like, but some days I take issue with the cryptic nature of these messages. For example: I have had three Carolina wrens in my house this week. They came in through the pet door, so their entry is no surprise, but trying to figure out what the Wren Sisters are telling me is driving me to distraction.

I’ve done my research on the wren as a totem and have discovered that she is telling me to have self confidence, to revel in nature for spiritual renewal, and to be “who I am.” Thanks Wrenfield, like I didn’t know that already? Could you be a tad more specific? Maybe say, “Here is the key to giving up anger: Do these three things and it will depart forever.” That would be nice! If that’s asking too much, how about a clue in the “who I am” department? Other than being a tired, slightly dotty tree-hugger, I have no idea who I am right now.

Luna Moth

Luna Moth

Then there are the Luna Moths. I have found five in as many weeks. All had passed on when I found them, so I brought them home, to be preserved in a shadowbox in our library. Once again, I jumped at the chance to see what Luna was telling me and once again, the message was unclear. Moths, like butterflies, imply transformation, which I need right now. They also represent faith because the caterpillar must die before it is reborn as a winged beauty. Resurrection fits here too. I just can’t quite tie it to the issues I’m facing in my life. I always need faith and I always need transformation, but how do I achieve these things?

For whatever reason, I am surrounded by messages that I can’t seem to read. I’m close to a breakthrough, but it is hovering just beyond my grasp. I feel like Charlie Brown when he sits down, opens his mouth wide, and screams, “Arrrrgh!”

“Arrrrgh Universe! Arrrgh!”

Waiting to Be Found

Waiting to Be Found

All I can do is follow the advice given to those who traverse the wilderness: If you get lost, stop moving. No one is going to find you if you’re trapsing around in the bush. Hunker down, build a fire, and wait for help to come. The Universe knows where I am. After all, its sending me birds and moths by the bushel. Since I cannot see a clear path, I will be patient and wait for a sign that illuminates the others. I know it will come, I just have to settle in until it does.

Late Summer on The Greenwood

Late Summer on The Greenwood

As another day draws to a close here on The Greenwood, I will follow Wren’s advice and get outside for a while – take a walk or visit with the horses at the barn. I will put my struggles on the back burner for the evening and enjoy the late-summer beauty that surrounds me. Tonight, perhaps a dream will send me the piece of the cosmic puzzle I need or perhaps the mystery will linger into the fall. It is hard not to be impatient, but as I watch the sun arc slowly across the sky and see the monarchs drift ever so gently south, it is clear that Nature has no use for hurry. That there is, in fact, “a time to every purpose under Heaven.” I will be content with that; content to wait until I am found.